the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
