we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
