well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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