yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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