well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
