Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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