You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
