Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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