Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
