I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
