I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize