I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
