Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
