Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
