I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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