Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
