i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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