remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm really busy with my period
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