thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
