The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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