remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
