One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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