just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
