I can't breathe out the right side of my face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
