Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
