I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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