It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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