Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
