I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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