Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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