i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize