I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize