some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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