It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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