that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
