At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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