wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
