Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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