You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
