Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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