There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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