It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
