He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
