Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
