I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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