What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
