there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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