Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
