guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
