East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
