Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
