nutella sex= disaster
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
