mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
