Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
