dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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