Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
