He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He felt like a one man threesome
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
