So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
