we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
