The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
