her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize