I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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