Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
