So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
