So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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