Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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